What Happens When Men Show Women Too Much Interest
Please, for the love of God, let her miss you.
A few weeks ago I was banned from posting on the seduction subreddit (r/seduction) for advertising my articles. I would respond to posts in which men sought guidance on how to proceed with a woman after doing something to lower her attraction, and provided analysis on where they fumbled during a cold approach. At the end of every single one of my comments was a link to an article I wrote providing a solution to their problem in greater detail.
Despite the rules clearly allowing this, the moderators still decided to ban me. Truthfully, I saw this coming as my opinions are polarizing and anomalous, so I'm not mad. The obstacle is the way, and I must now determine a new way to promote my blog.
I haven’t posted on the subreddit in approximately three weeks and, quite frankly, I kind of miss reading some of the absurd stories posted on there. Consequently, this nostalgia provoked me to email my subscribers (you guys) and have them message me about any dating problems they are dealing with for me to evaluate and analyze.
Thus, in today’s article, I will be evaluating a Field Report. Field Reports are documents in which men detail their experience with a woman with the intention of seeking guidance on where they went wrong and how (if possible) to recover.
Before we dive in, I want to clarify that while there are technically an infinite number of reasons as to why a woman could no longer be interested in a man and begin behaving in a way that is incongruent with how she normally does, this kind of thinking gets you nowhere. It also prevents you from learning from your mistakes, and results in a repeated cycle of poor relationships. Eventually, you have to take accountability and accept that you are potentially doing something wrong.
Due to over two hundred thousands years of evolutionary development, all women’s (and for the mob, yes, men’s as well) hardwiring is essentially the same. That is, there are behaviors, personality traits, and characteristics that women universally find unattractive in men. Thus, it is incredibly easy to pinpoint how they will respond when a guy says or does certain things.
I’ve been with a wide array of women throughout the last year: college chicks, girls in their late twenties, black women, blondes, Asians, Venezuelans, communists, conservatives, liberals, slightly heavier (not fat) chicks, girls who formerly had armpit hair (I didn’t know at the time), bisexuals, and they are all literally the same. These various types of women may verbally express desiring different types of behavior from men, but none of them can help being attracted to and aroused by conventionally masculinity.
Field Report
For the sake of anonymity, I will refer to the poster as Parker.
Parker: Hey man, I’ve got one. I’ve been seeing a girl for a few weeks. Got her number at the gym, initially she rejected and said to follow her on insta, I said no and then we started meeting up. Couple of low key coffee dates and then she started coming round my place. She was keen from the start, however always blunt on texts so kept this pretty minimum. Last week she came to my place 4 times and we slept together each time.
Fast forward to the weekend, I’m busy with work and obviously haven’t seen her, however I try to arrange something with her this Tuesday and she cancels, and then Wednesday, much the same. The tone of her messages changed over the weekend too, despite not much contact at all. Her reply to me asking if she’s free Wednesday was “hmmm I’m still pending so I don’t want to make any promises”
I’m genuinely normally fine with this stuff, but this sudden change has genuinely confused me! I’ve pulled back and I've left the ball in her court. Any anonymous feedback appreciated
I needed more information, so I sent him the following e-mail:
Jacked Guy: Hey, I need more details about the coffee dates. How many dates until you first kissed? How many hangouts until sex. How frequently did you text her and what did you say? What was her behavior like after the first time you had sex? You had sex four times in one week? Who initiated the hangouts after you had sex for the first time?
Parker: Certainly man.So the coffee dates were just out of convenience cos she works from home and I work shifts. So I met her 3 times at this coffee place and we kissed the first time she came to mine.
So the format was 3 coffee dates over 1 week, then, the next week she came to mine on a Monday night, slept together, she stayed at mine a few hours. It was good to be fair. Then she came to mine Tuesday night, that was my idea, then she decided to “work” from my house on Thursday, then Friday night I invited her over again. Behavior after sex was very cuddly and cute to be fair. Like each time she came over was a little more intimate than the last. I’m not concerned with anything I did when we met up, genuinely it was the best I’ve ever been lol. Each night was met with a “thank you so much for a lovely evening” etc after she left. Each time she stayed at mine from like 6pm till 10/11ish.
So after this at the weekend I had to work, so we kept in touch but the texts were a bit dead to be honest. We were regularly texting which I know is generally frowned upon, but it always flirty and kept things interesting from my point of view. But planned to meet on Tuesday (today) and she was like “Sounds great to me!” So no concerns. Then as the weekend goes on it gets a bit more blunt. I knew she was meeting family from abroad on Monday. Monday night she texts me after we didn’t speak much and she says “hey sorry I’m gonna have to cancel tomorrow, my family are staying an extra night so I’m gonna go back through and see them” I reply with, “thanks for letting me know, no problem! How about Wednesday?” She replied with “hmmmm I’m still pending so I don’t want to make any promises”.
At this point I sensed her pulling back a bit, which she’s not been like since we started meeting up. So I told her “No probs, you can just let me know if you’re free some other time then ”
Since then we’ve spoken once over text and I was left on read after 1 reply. None of our interactions in person have been anything other than genuinely nice, but she seems to have suddenly got bored over the weekend.
Normally I’m totally cool with this cos I can see where I went wrong, but I’m surprisingly jarred by this one because things were very intimate on Friday night and then like a few days later it’s seemingly totally over. Shit happens, I’m not upset by it, but I do analyze things, so I’d be very interested from an outside perspective.
Tell me, What did I do wrong?
I enjoyed reading this Field Report because it accurately depicts how a woman's behavior changes once the man they're dating displays too much interest. An innumerable amount of men make this mistake with women they’re dating (myself included when I was younger), and if they possessed just a slightly better understanding of female nature they could easily lock down the girls they wanted.
Always Conceal Your Interest
The first mistake Parker made was seeing his girl seven times in fourteen days. While I commend him for spending minimal effort and money on this chick, under no circumstances should you ever see a woman you’re dating – especially in the initial stages of courtship – more than once a week for a few reasons.
Firstly, Parker hanging out with this chick every other day over the span of two weeks suggested to her that he possessed incredibly high attraction, and that she could most likely have him if desired. When women are seeking romantic partners for long term exclusivity, they always want to feel as though they have to work for the man’s acceptance and approval. When women believe they can have you, they typically start behaving in ways to verify this, which will be discussed later in the article.
After spending every other day with Parker for two weeks she is thinking to herself: Hmm, I just met this guy at the gym and we’ve spent every other day of the past two weeks together. Does he not have other, more important things going on in his life? Why does he have so much free time to hangout with me? He barely knows me. There’s no way he’s talking to other girls because he’s always with me and texting me. Do other girls not like him? If other girls don’t like him, why should I? Is there something wrong with me? No, that can’t be.
Remember, women want to feel as though they have to work for you because you are valuable and difficult to acquire. Making yourself overly available prevents this from occurring, thus, you should always conceal your interest.
The optimal course of action would have been for him to invite her over to his place (for whatever reason, makeup any excuse) seven or more days after the first coffee date so she could miss him and to camouflage his interest level. The majority of modern men typically scoff at this suggestion because they yield so few dating options that potentially losing out on the one woman showing them interest terrifies them, and because they legitimately believe that they will forget about them if communication is not regular.
Here’s the deal: it’s been seven days – she’s not going to forget about your existence in that short of a duration. She spent time telling her friends about you, stalking your social media accounts, fantasizing about the kind of guy you are, spent a considerable amount of time preparing for the date, equipped herself with matching underwear so she could look nice in case you had sex, the list goes on.
I’m just going to call it like I see it: if you are afraid of concealing your interest in a girl you’re dating by not reaching out to her immediately after a date, it's because you’re afraid of losing her. For brevity’s sake I won’t go into much detail about this (I will in future articles), but the second you begin to behave in ways that reveal you are afraid of losing her (directly or indirectly via sub communication) the relationship is doomed.
Tell Women NO
Parker, as mentioned above, works night shifts, while his girl works remotely during standard business hours. Parker allowing her to “work” at his place during the day was a massive mistake despite it most likely appearing to be a significant indicator of interest at first glance. I’m going to assume that Parker allowed her to work from his place because he had sex with her twice and presumed that letting her spend the entire day with him would probably result in more sex. While the outcome he wanted was achieved, doing so provided her with insight into what his day to day life activities consist of, greatly reducing her attraction towards him.
Because Parker enabled a girl he barely knew to work at his house for over nine hours, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume he spent most of it having fun with her and being unproductive prior to departing for work. Regardless of whether or not that was an accurate reflection of what daily activities prior to work are like, that is the imprint she is left with, which it is exceptionally difficult to change.
Additionally, Parker had sex with this girl four times in one week: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. On these nights, with the exception of Thursday when she worked remotely at his place, she stayed over from 6-11PM. So, in addition to knowing exactly how he spends his time during normal working business hours (9AM - 5PM), she also knows exactly how he spends his evenings.
She knows how he spends all of his time outside of work, knows that he can’t possibly be talking to other women as he’s always with her (or texting her when they’re not together), and, in all likelihood, is convinced that he doesn't have anything else going on in his life.
Women need mystery. They need to wonder what you’re doing and who you’re with when they’re away from you. In order for a woman’s interest in a man to be sustained, they need to be figuring him out throughout the entire course of the relationship.
Parker should have declined her proposal to work from his place and then invited her to hangout a few days later. This would have increased her attraction towards him because it would have allowed her imagination to run wild. She knows he doesn’t work during the day, so she would have begun to fantasize as to what he does during this time frame.
Is he seeing other girls? Why didn’t he let me come over? Does he not like me? Why didn’t he schedule another time for us to hangout after he denied me? That’s weird, almost all guys propose another time to hangout if they aren’t available. Is he building something? Is he working on a business? Hmmm, he’s mysterious.
A woman’s imagination is the greatest tool at your disposal. Women will not interpret you not wanting to spend time with them constantly as disinterest.
Interest Tests
I’ve written about this extensively, but texting can’t build attraction. There are obviously exceptions to this maxim, but the majority of men reading this should limit texting women to date logistics and responding to them after they message you first for reasons discussed here.
Parker had sex with this girl four times in one week and continued to message her throughout the weekend despite having a hangout session scheduled for the upcoming Tuesday. He gave this chick no time to breathe and miss him. He interpreted the text messages between them as “flirty and kept things interesting from my point of view” but that’s now how she did. She interpreted your behavior as you having no options and being far too interested in her. As soon as women believe that is the case, they begin to implement Interest tests to verify their suspicions.
Interest tests are conscious and subconscious tests women enforce upon men to determine their interest level. The purpose of them is to ensure that the man they’re dating has internal strength, and does not become emotional once she has indirectly indicated that she is potentially less interested in him due to changes in her behavior. Basically, she’s finding out if he is indifferent to her being in his life, and men “pass” these tests by demonstrating just that.
These tests are implemented when they suspect that the man they’re dating likes them far more than they do, and usually arise once the guy starts demonstrating clingy and needy behavior, before she seeks exclusivity, and regularly throughout the span of a relationship.
A woman’s behavior when conducting these tests are incongruent with those normally expected from her. These include her suddenly being unavailable to hangout, flaking on dates without offering to reschedule, being cold and distant during conversation, delayed text message response times, less enthusiastic text messages (no use of emojis and exclamation marks), and a reduction in physical intimacy.
Parker’s girl canceling the date last minute without offering to reschedule was her way of indirectly communicating being less interested in him. Instead of taking the hint and leaving the ball in her court for future correspondence, he rewarded her bad behavior by saying, “ thanks for letting me know, no problem! How about Wednesday?” He indirectly communicated that he has absolutely nothing of importance going on in his life as he still asked to see her the following day despite being subjected to blatant disrespect. He failed the interest test, so she predictably responded by saying that she wasn't sure of her availability when he asked to hang out Wednesday.
Parker should have replied to the text message in which she flaked by saying “Ok.” and not messaged her again. Doing this would have indicated that his time is valuable, that he is capable of living without her, and that he has other options.
You Live and Learn
While this situation is absolutely recoverable, I recommend that Parker stop dating this woman and apply what he’s learned from this article with new women. This is primarily due to it being extremely difficult to change someone’s impression of you once it's been molded. He could wait for her to reply to him and schedule another date, but his behavior is going to be so contradictory to what she’s experienced that she will never believe this new him is sincere. Her subconscious mind will always remember who he was when she first met him and believe that he is behaving disingenuously, which will inevitably result in her subjecting him to annoying tests and behaviors to constantly verify his legitimacy.
Anyways, this article was substantially longer than I envisioned and I need to get going to bed. If you enjoyed this analysis please let me know, and if you would like your field report analyzed shoot me an e-mail. Sayanora.