This is the second installment in the How to Not Lose Your Virginity series detailing how I botched an unreasonably easy opportunity to finally lose my virginity at 23 years old. They are intended to be read in sequential order, so if you haven’t read the first one yet, check it out here before continuing. My intent with these chronicles is to demonstrate what happens when you implement game techniques on women without possessing a fundamental understanding of why they work, how to use them, and when to employ them, with this one exemplifying how not to employ kino escalation. For a detailed explanation on how to implement kino, check out this article.
The Date
Friday rolled around and I was exhausted. It was an unusually chaotic week at work, so I decided to take the day off to destress. I spent the majority of the day running, lifting weights, and walking, which helped to an extent, but ultimately I was severely sleep deprived and needed a good night’s rest. Consequently, I no longer possessed any interest in going out with a girl I wasn’t particularly attracted to, knew nothing about, and who was presumably ran through. In Spite of this, I am a man of my word, and as such, I do what I say (I also was unreasonably horny).
I arrived at the venue on time and awaited her arrival. She was late, so I started awkwardly staring at an erupting water fountain to kill time. My back was positioned opposite to the street, so I couldn’t see when she was approaching. A few minutes went by and I heard her call my name. I turned around, greeted her, and was very confused as to why she acknowledged me with a neutral facial expression, almost suggesting that she was not particularly excited or happy to see me. During my post date analysis, I concluded that how she greeted me was a reaction to how I greeted her. I acknowledged her with a blank, almost emotionless face, which conveyed that I was uninterested in being there (which, admittingly, I was).
Analysis: The Body Doesn’t Lie
Always be aware of what your non verbal body language – especially facial expressions – is communicating to others. The majority of human communication is nonverbal, and we evolved to instinctively recognize how others are most likely feeling at any given time without them having to say a word. When you greet someone and your body language and facial gestures suggest that you aren’t particularly enthused to see them, they notice, and it is usually a tell-tale sign that someone doesn’t like you. Just think: if an old friend catches you off guard, you most likely will automatically generate a genuinely enthusiastic smile as you are presumably excited to see a pal from your past. Conversely, if you catch someone you know off guard when you greet them and they have a neutral expression upon seeing you – and especially if a smile is delayed and seemingly unnatural – they most likely are neutral about you, or don’t like you. Protip: Always greet your dates with a smile, and ideally a genuine one.
Kino Escalation
My goal was to have sex with this girl, and I knew she needed to become comfortable with my touch in order to do so on the first date. This prompted me to kick off kino escalation by hugging her immediately after our awkward verbal greeting. We entered the venue and were seated in a small room that was the size of four porta potties placed in a rectangular grid form (basically a cubby). Inside the room were two cushioned chairs placed side by side, with a singular amber lightbulb overhead for lighting – it was the perfect environment for building attraction and being intimate with a woman, all I had to do was not fuck it up.
I initiated the seductive process by asking her questions and letting her do the majority of talking. The questions I asked weren’t particularly fun, playful, or stimulating, but they did build off of the answers she gave, so it was better than me asking her boring, unlinked, rapid-fire questions like if she were in a job interview. I could tell her attraction towards me was growing because, as discussed in many of my articles, people hardly ever feel like others are sincerely listening to them; thus, when you demonstrate that you are actually interested in someone’s life and what they have to say, they feel important and cared for.
So far, everything (with the exception of the initial greeting) was good. In hindsight, I was definitely more boring and less fun than she anticipated a guy as attractive as me to be, but hey, you live and learn.
Again, the goal was sex, and I needed to continue implementing kino to prepare her for a kiss and eventually invite her back to my place. I playfully accused her of checking me out in the gym, to which she smiled and claimed innocence. I called her a liar, and proceeded to repeatedly poke her nose with my index finger and call her Pinocchio (the idea here was to demonstrate that I am a naturally touchy guy). Her response to the nose pokes were neutral, but I sensed that what I was doing was incredibly stupid, so I stopped.
After babbling on about herself, she eventually asked what I do for work, and I brilliantly took this as an opportunity to resume kino and conduct a compliance test. I extended my hand out for her to hold it, and once she did, I told her “I’m not going to tell you what I do for work, but I'll give you hints. The closer you are to the correct answer, the tighter i’ll hold your hand, and the further away you get, the looser i’ll hold it.” She complied, and eventually deduced that I’m a badass engineer.
About forty five minutes into the date I calibrated that she was ready to be kissed. I moved my body closer to hers, looked into her eyes, stared at her lips for a few seconds, and then back into her eyes multiple times (triangular gazing) to covertly convey that I wanted to kiss her. It was quite obvious what I was doing, so I knew she knew that I wanted to kiss her; however, she did not lean into me, which was confusing as I was naively under the impression that women will always move closer to you if they want to be kissed when executing this method.
I decided more permission was needed for me to kiss her, so I withdrew my phone, showed her a TikTok video, and started discussing the nonsense some people write in comment sections. I don’t exactly remember what I said, but it was something along the lines of people commenting on how blonde white girls with curly hair are really good at kissing. In essence, I indirectly (but not so subtly) communicated that I wanted to kiss her. We began making out, eventually stopped, and I continued to let her do the majority of the talking. I didn’t care about her as a person and, quite frankly, had no interest in hearing her talk – I just knew that I wanted to continue making out. So, I decided to indirectly communicate that I wanted to kiss her again, and we did.
Analysis: Where I went Wrong
I wrote a comprehensive article detailing how to physically escalate with women on dates, and I highly recommend that you read it before proceeding.
Physical escalation with women should always appear natural and innocuous. Under no circumstances should a woman ever feel as though you are touching her with the intention of breaking the touch barrier. Not only was poking her nose repeatedly childish and invasive, it was obvious that I was doing so to break the touch barrier, so avoid ever doing anything like this.
Extending my hand out for her to hold was a great move, but explaining to her that I would hold it more intimately the closer she was to the correct answer revealed that I was attempting to touch her intentionally, and appeared as though I was forcing intimacy. Instead of explaining to her that we would play a game, I should have just held her hand, gauged her attraction, and calibrated next steps depending on the reaction received.
Triangular gazing, the technique I used to indirectly communicate that I wanted to kiss her, was a good idea and one that I still use on first dates. However, kissing women on first dates isn’t a big deal at all, and the overwhelming majority of them will do it if they have been properly primed. The exceptions to this are if the woman is inexperienced, a virgin, has traditional values, or comes from a country where women behave more traditionally. If the woman you are dating possesses none of these attributes, she is most likely okay with kissing on the first date.
When physically escalating with women, it is best to start out with small, seemingly harmless touches (examples are discussed here) and become more intimate with them throughout the duration of the date. If any of your advances are denied, or you assess that she does not want to be touched at a given moment, don’t panic, this just suggests that her attraction level needs to be increased. So, build attraction with her by carrying on with the seductive process, calibrate where it is after doing so, and continue physically escalating once you have determined that she is prepared for more intimate touching.
Remember: when a woman agrees to go on a date with you, she presumably finds you physically attractive and considers you to be a viable option for sex (assuming you’ve concluded that you aren’t just a free meal). Thus, it is reasonable to presuppose that your date has interest in, at the very least, being kissed. In the initial stages of courtship (especially before physical intimacy has occurred) women will almost never make the first move, so the onus is on the man to be bold and take risks. Ultimately, in the grand scheme of life, a girl letting go of your hand after you hold it, or moving away after you attempt to kiss her is not a big deal. Just build more attraction and try again.