How to Not Lose Your Virginity: Getting A Girl Back to Your Place
If you kiss a girl on a date, you can invite her back to your place
This is the fourth and final installment in the How to Not Lose Your Virginity series detailing how I botched an unreasonably easy opportunity to finally lose my virginity at 23 years old. They are intended to be read in chronological order, so if you haven’t read the previous articles yet, check them out here before proceeding. My intent with this saga is to demonstrate what happens when you implement game techniques on women without possessing a fundamental understanding of why they work, how to use them, and when to employ them, with this one exemplifying how not to get a girl over to your place.
The Date
At the two and a half hour mark I was over it. I didn’t care about this girl as a person, I had no interest in listening to her speak, and I concluded (and later verified by third parties) that she was ran thru. At this point, all I wanted to do was get her back to my place and have sex. I lethargically asked her another question, she answered, and we then met complete silence. For the first time in the date, there was no attempt on her behalf to preserve the dialogue.
The silence was quite uncomfortable, but I promptly recalled a YouTube video by alpha m in which he discussed embracing silence on dates when it occurs, with the idea being to demonstrate that it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, and that you are indifferent about whether or not she likes you. (I don't recommend you consume his content for various reasons, but he was right about this).
We sat in the compact, dimly lit room next to each other completely mute for at least two minutes. My hair was curly at the time, so I twirled my hair in circles like girls do when they are bored and began making intense eye contact with her. Eventually, she succumbed and broke silence by asking me what time I normally go to sleep and wake up. After answering and returning the question, I felt as though the date had run its course and that it was time to invite her back to my place.
My plan was brilliant: egress the cubby to pay the bill, return and say “Alright, let’s go back to my place, I want you to meet my cat.” Unfortunately, things didn’t work out this way. Immediately after telling her that I was going to take care of the bill, she offered to pay for her share. This – very naively – suggested to me that she disliked me as I was under the impression that a girl offering to split the bill indicated disinterest. Boy was I wrong.
I told her of course not, paid the bill (yeah, I'm a baller), departed the venue and began walking to her car. I attempted to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road because I watched multiple videos from numerous content creators on YouTube telling me that’s what gentlemen do. I increased my pace so I could side step in front of her, but every time I did this she matched it, preventing me from passing her. I interpreted this as another indicator that she was not interested in me.
We arrived at the parking garage a few minutes later and confronted a slight problem: she couldn’t find her car. I only bought her one margarita, so I was having a very difficult time comprehending how she forgot where she parked her vehicle. We paced the entire garage and had no luck. Fortunately, she remembered that her phone had tracking on and we began walking to the correct destination.
On the way there, we encountered a man walking his white poodle. My girl didn’t notice, so I tapped her on the arm with the back of my hand (seamless kino) to alert her. Once she saw the pet, her demeanor immediately became feminine, almost like a switch had been flipped. Her tonality became softer, higher pitched, and her skin became more radiant.
She withdrew her phone from her purse and scrolled through its photo gallery to show me a dog that resembled the one we came across. I told her it looked cute and we resumed walking. There was complete silence during the remainder of our walk until we were near the parking garage when she then asked me what kind of TV I watch. I told her the last show I watched was Gossip Girl a year prior to that night, and that I don’t really watch TV ever. I was then informed that she loves TV and watches True Crime content regularly. I asked if she watches JCS (if you know, you know), she said, “What’s that?” to which I responded “that’s a no” and she reflexively laughed.
We entered the parking garage, walked to the level where she parked her car, and as we approached it she said “here I am.” in a lingering tone that suggested she did not want the night to end. She turned around and, without hesitation, grabbed the back of my head and began kissing me.
To this day, that make out session was unequivocally and emphatically the most euphoric moment I've experienced in my entire life. I remember it like it was yesterday. I placed my hands on her lower back, and then gently on her ass. Truthfully, I wanted to squeeze it firmly, like my life depended on getting all of the juice out of a lemon, but I didn’t have the balls to do it, so, instead, I just caressed it like a wounded puppy. It was the first time I ever felt an ass - and it was heavenly.
Suddenly, she increased the intensity at which she was kissing me – I had never felt anything like it before. She genuinely desired me, and it felt amazing. A few minutes went by and I disengaged. I didn’t want to stop, I was on cloud 9, but, in the back of my head, I was foolishly thinking about the countless YouTubers who placed emphasis on always ending the kiss first. She told me “text me if you want to go out again” and we went our separate ways.
It Gets Worse
I know, it’s impossible to comprehend how this story could possibly get worse, but it does, so please, bear with me and don’t punch your computer screen.
I left the parking garage with a smile wider than the Grinch on Christmas Eve, and a boner harder than a teenager on Viagra. I wasn’t on cloud 9 – I was on cloud 9000. I walked through my town’s most populated street looking like an absolute maniac without a single care in the world.
I entered my car and immediately called a friend for a post date debrief. I explained to him what happened in great detail, and he instantly called me a moron. He informed me that she very badly wanted to have sex, like we deduced prior to the date, and her intensely making out with me prior to departing was a last ditch effort of communicating that. Furthermore, I was informed that my behavior during the date was incongruent with who she perceived me to be, and that texting her would result in me getting ghosted. He concluded that this fumble was recoverable, and that the best way to proceed was by not contacting her via text message, but by interacting with her at the gym, making her laugh, and then scheduling a hangout immediately afterwards. Unfortunately, I didn’t listen to his advice.
Our date was on a Friday night and she was leaving town the following Sunday to visit the beach with friends for an entire week, which meant I wouldn’t see her for at least ten days. At this point in my journey of becoming an aspiring player, I knew that texting couldn’t build attraction and doing so would make me seem needy and too interested.
I wanted to experience that rush of dopamine and oxytocin again, so the following week I approached three women at the gym. I didn’t pull any of them, but it did help me reduce my approach anxiety. Five days passed and I messaged her on a Wednesday evening while training legs at the gym. I wrote, “Hey, what’s your availability to hangout next week?”
An hour passed with no response. Okay, she’s probably just on the beach having fun and has no service. Two hours go by. No big deal, She’s most likely still on the beach enjoying herself. Four hours pass: Hmm, it’s 10PM. I know women aren’t usually away from their phones for four hours, there’s no way she hasn’t seen my message. I woke up the following morning, checked my phone, and twelve hours later there still was no response. I began to fear the worst: she was getting pounded by some big black guy named Tyrone on the beach.
Five days later I went running shirtless with my friend downtown. At the end of our runs, we always walk a few miles to talk about random stuff, enjoy the scenery, and interact with others. While walking, we approached an intersection near my gym, and my date pulled up to the stop sign in front of us. She was looking in the opposite direction of me to safely make a left turn, so she was unaware that I saw her. She then pulled into the gym without rolling her windows down and saying hi. I informed my friend that that was the girl I went out with, and he said he was wondering why she was staring so much.
She didn’t respond to my text and she didn't greet me when she saw me. I didn’t know much about women or game at this point in time, but I knew that’s not how chicks behave when they like a guy. I was bewildered and, quite frankly, upset.
I went to the gym the following day after work, and as I was walking down the stairs to the main exercise floor to put my bag down, I saw my date descend a ramp to enter the room. We made eye contact for approximately three seconds as she began walking towards my vicinity, and her facial expression upon seeing me was slightly apprehensive, so I decided not to acknowledge her. I broke eye contact first, put my bag on the ground, and she walked right by without saying hi.
I was quite upset when this happened, so I decided to seek revenge by never acknowledging her existence again. I intentionally tried to avoid being around her in the gym that day, but eventually reached a point in my workout where I needed to use dumbbells and she was lounging in that area. I grabbed what I needed and didn't acknowledge her existence, like she was a ghost. We walked past each other a few times again that day, and I continued to act like she was invisible. I could see through my peripheral vision that she would stare at me as we passed each other, but I didn’t care.
Near the end of my workout I discussed the situation with a gym bro. We laughed, talked about how absurd the whole ordeal was, and he asked to see a picture of her. I possessed none at the time so I described her to him and we resumed our workouts. I went to the chest press machine and my friend was performing dips about 20 ft away at the 2 o’clock position.
While resting between sets, my date walked through a corridor and entered the room we were in. We made eye contact from 30 ft away, and then she, almost hesitantly, waved and smiled at me in such a way that indicated she wasn’t sure if I was going to reciprocate it. I waved back, and a few moments later my friend on the dip machine looked at me, pointed in her direction and silently mouthed, “is that her?” I made a confused gesture with my hand, and inaudibly uttered “wtf?” My date was at the water fountain filling her water bottle and witnessed the exchange between us. Once I noticed this, I looked at her and began laughing at how absurd the scenario that just occurred was.
After finishing my set, I assembled the gym bros and we huddled in a circle to discuss the most effective way to proceed. After 5-10 minutes of deliberation, we concluded that “I should get a pen, put a circle around her, and come back later.”
For the next three weeks I decided to continue acting like she didn’t exist. We passed one another multiple times throughout this stint, and I could tell that she was looking at me through my peripheral vision every time we did, but I didn’t care. My feelings were still hurt from being ghosted after feeling desired for the first time.
After three weeks passed I decided to shoot my shot again. I approached her while she was resting between sets and began asking her boring and logical questions. I instantly noticed that she generated no indicators of interest (asking me questions back), so I figured I was going to get rejected, but I was incredibly horny and had nothing to lose.
Eventually, I said “I thought about you the other night.” to which she responded “Oh, really?” with a curious tone. I told her, “Yeah, I was at the grocery store buying food, and I remembered you saying that you were a good cook. I want you to cook for me.” She told me “We’ll see” with an almost demeaning and authoritative tone, like she was conveying that she was better than me and that us hanging out depended on my behavior. I scoffed and said “We’ll see?” with an amused, mocking like tone, walked away, picked up the 95 lb. dumbbells and prepared to shoulder press them. Once seated, she said “Oooh, 95s.” with an impressed tone. I responded “Yep. You’ll get there one day.” she said “Maybe next week” and I ended the conversation by sarcastically saying “You can probably do it now.”
Everyday for the next few weeks, I acknowledged her with a wave. She then abruptly stopped coming to the gym, and I later learned from one of her friends that she moved to a city six hours away.
Never Cut the Rope
Okay, a considerable amount of mistakes were made, so let’s start off with what I did right. When there was complete silence during the date for two minutes, I made the right move by not saying anything and letting her resume the conversation. Doing this demonstrated that I was not uncomfortable with the silence, and that I wasn’t trying hard for her to like me. Most guys in this situation would have asked her some random question in order to avoid the discomfort, revealing that they are concerned with the outcome of the date, which is incredibly anti-seductive. You must always have indifference towards women. That is, you must behave in ways that suggest you don’t care if you lose or keep her. Sitting in silence with a woman while on a date may seem awkward and uncomfortable initially, but you must internalize indifference and genuinely not care if no-one is speaking. If you are concerned with silence, or, more broadly, your behavior on a date, this indicates that you are not indifferent, making you less masculine and attractive to women. If you have nothing to say, don’t say anything at all. There’s nothing awkward or uncomfortable about that.
Splitting the bill
When women offer to pay for their half of the bill, it is not necessarily an indication of her interest towards you. I interpreted my date offering to split the bill as a major indicator of disinterest due to TikTok and YouTube videos in which women regularly recounted offering to go Dutch with men they dislike as an indirect method of communicating this. There’s definitely some merit in those videos; however, in reality, there’s a multitude of reasons as to why a woman would or would not offer to split the bill which, for the sake of brevity, will not be discussed here. At the end of the date, you should have a pretty good gauge on how into you a woman is due to her communication and behavior throughout its duration. Her offering to pay or not is nothing of significance worth noting. I ignored all of the obvious signs she provided me with throughout the date suggesting that she very clearly wanted to have sex with me because of her offering to split the bill, and I fumbled an opportunity to lose my virginity because of it.
Dude, where’s my car?
Women will quite literally do anything to suggest they want to hookup with a guy (for the first time) other than verbally communicate it. This is a consequence of them not wanting to be categorized as promiscuous and disqualified from being taken seriously in the future. My date only had one drink and wasn’t that incompetent – she remembered exactly where her car was. She was under the impression that I lived downtown (walking distance from the venue), and was hoping that I would propose just going to my place until she “remembered” where she parked it. I don’t know this for certain, but it’s what I concluded after analyzing the date. This is further supported by her initiating a make out session once we actually arrived at her car. It was her way of communicating that she didn’t want the night to end and desired to hookup.
Prior to hooking up for the first time, women will almost never suggest, initiate, or allude to having sex. Normally, you can expect women to begin initiating intimacy after crossing the sex barrier, with the exception to this being if you encounter a woman at a bar or nightclub who is particularly horny.
In these scenarios, it is not uncommon for a woman to initiate kissing or grinding, but this behavior is usually reserved for women they perceive as incredibly hot or alpha. With that being said, in these situations it’s not like women are literally throwing themselves at you. Oftentimes, they just put themselves in your vicinity and make hooking up incredibly easy for you. The onus on making the first move is still typically on the man.
Girls love sex
I’ve written about this multiple times, but I want to reiterate it again so this idea can be internalized: if you make out with a girl on a date, you can invite her back to your place without concern for rejection. This obviously isn’t an inconvertible truth, there will always very clearly be exceptions to the rule, but nonetheless it is an adequate rule of thumb to follow. Here’s the deal; making out is the most sexual activity you can publicly engage in legally. Thus, in order to escalate any further, you’re going to have to be bold and invite her back to your place.
This may be hard for many of you all to comprehend (I know it was for me) but women want to have sex. Not nearly as much as men do, but regardless, if they are on a date with you (assuming you aren’t being used for a free meal) they view you as a viable sexual option. Just never suggest going back to your place immediately after making out, as doing this makes your intentions a little too obvious and may result in them feeling promiscuous.
I’ve found that it’s best to invite her back to your place once you’ve hit an emotional high after making out. So, make out with your date and get her laughing. As soon as she laughs, make up an excuse to go back to your place. It can be for any reason: meeting your pet, watching a cool move. The specific reason you make up doesn’t matter – just never allude to having sex.
Casper Casper Casper
My decision to wait five days to message her was a fantastic move and one I still regularly implement and recommend to others as well. There’s no hard and fast rule as to how long you should wait to schedule dates with women after going out with them, but you should always wait a few days (ideally, more than three) to contact her again for reasons explained in this article.
I initially suspected that she ghosted me due to not contacting her for five days after the date, however, like my friend mentioned earlier, it was a consequence of my behavior. She ghosted me because I treated her like an asshole. I treated her like an asshole because I was attempting to increase her attraction towards me via the implementation of game techniques despite it making no sense to do so as she already liked me very much.
If you are going to learn game, it is crucial that you fundamentally understand the purpose and functionality of the technique you are implementing at any given time. You can’t just copy a script from some YouTube video and apply it verbatim to a girl you’re talking to because, oftentimes, there’s almost always a reason for the words and actions that emit from them during a date or cold approach.
Demonstrating higher value and negging my date made absolutely no sense in this context because she already perceived me as extremely valuable and worthy of her. You must always be present in the moment with women and understand that techniques used to increase their attraction towards you (prior to internalizing certain behaviors) has a purpose.
Furthermore, she ghosted me because of the incongruence I exhibited. Not only was I an asshole on the date, but I rejected her very obvious hint that she wanted sex after making out in the parking garage. As mentioned earlier, women will do almost anything other than verbally indicate wanting to have sex during the first date, and this was her way of displaying that.
When I messaged her to hangout, she was most likely confused because my behavior during the date and my present desires were not in alignment. I rejected her, treated her poorly, and still wanted to see her again. That most likely made very little sense to her.
Women Don’t Lie
When she said, “Text me if you want to go out again” it was indicative of two things: not knowing where she stood with me, and genuinely wanting to see me again at that moment in time. Being in a position where a woman is uncertain of your interest towards her is optimal because it makes them feel as though you are not easily obtainable, and that she is going to exert effort in order to become exclusive with you. My idea was right, but the implementation was poor.
Despite ghosting me after indirectly suggesting being down to hangout again, she didn’t necessarily lie. You see, in the moment, immediately after making out and releasing oxytocin (euphoric “love hormones”), she yearned to see me again. However, after reflecting upon the date and evaluating her feelings, she probably remembered that I was an asshole who rejected multiple advances from her and moved on to the next dude in her inbox.
Men, despite society and mainstream news claiming otherwise, are nothing like women. As men, more specifically, honorable men of value, we say what we mean and do what we say. Our word is our bond. Women are a little different. Their words are indicative of how they feel in the moment, and are subject to change at any given time. So, the next time a woman doesn’t follow through with something she says (like going on another date), she didn’t necessarily lie to you, but rather, her feelings about you changed due to their visceral nature. How they feel in the moment is not the most accurate indicator of their overall feelings toward you.
Two Can Play This Game
To be candid, I ignored her existence for three weeks because my feelings were hurt. It genuinely bothered me that a girl could make out with me the way she did and then ghost me like I never existed. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that ignoring her signified anger and care for her, which is terribly anti seductive. Women crave indifference in men, that is, a man who behaves in such a way that indicates not caring if a woman is or is not in his life. Me ignoring her revealed that I was hurt (which, admittingly I was) and turned her off. She perceived me as a hot and indifferent dominant alpha, when in reality I was a feminized beta male.
My best chance of hanging out with her after our date would have been by not texting her, talking to her in person, and getting her to agree to hangout after ending the conversation on a high note (like laughter) due to their decisions (as it pertains to relationships) being so guided by their emotions.
When she observed me giggling at my friend after hesitantly waving and half smiling at me, it was understood that I was “playing games.” She thought I was a child who was attempting to get back at her for ghosting me. At that moment, I revealed all of my cards and ruined any chance of ever hooking up with her.
This was a long series, but it was very fun to write. I don’t often do personal recounts, but it was fun reliving this moment and literally laughing out loud at how absurd some of the things I did were.
My intent with this series was to demonstrate that it is possible to become skilled with women at any age despite being inexperienced if you put your mind to it. This event only occurred four years ago, and while I still am nowhere close to being the man I wish to be, I have made a 180 degree shift from the person I was.
In person and on the internet I see far too many men who are overly despondent and nihilistic about dating and life in general. As men, life is hard. We have to develop ourselves internally and externally to have value. It is not fair, but it is reality.
Luckily, as men, we have the ability to take control of our lives and develop ourselves into whatever we want as long as we are willing to put in the work. It’s not easy, but it is worth it.