How to Not Lose Your Virginity: Demonstrating Higher Value
Demonstrations of Higher Value Should Almost Always be Indirect
This is the third installment in the How to Not Lose Your Virginity series detailing how I botched an unreasonably easy opportunity to finally lose my virginity at 23 years old. They are intended to be read in chronological order, so if you haven’t read the previous articles yet, check them out here before proceeding. My intent with this saga is to demonstrate what happens when you implement game techniques on women without possessing a fundamental understanding of why they work, how to use them, and when to employ them, with this one exemplifying how not to Demonstrate Higher Value (DHV).
The Date
About an hour into the date (and after making out twice) my girl had an epiphany: she knew nothing about me. This prompted her to ask personal questions and discuss observations she made about me prior to our first interaction, with one of which being that I have lots of friends.
I brilliantly took this as an opportunity to Demonstrate Higher Value (DHV) by informing her that the guys at the gym aren’t actually my “friends” , but rather, acquaintances, and that I only have two true friends. This provoked her to ask what the difference between a friend and acquaintance was, I answered, and, surprise – she, like almost every girl on the planet, naively considers the people you interact with semi-regularly on a surface level as “friends.”
Afterwards, she asked me what I was training for. I wanted to DHV again, so I told her, “I would tell you what I'm training for, but once people find out, they always begin to treat me differently, and you’ll probably do the same.” She smiled, nodded her head up and down, sarcastically said “oh, really?” and began to speculate.
After taking multiple guesses, she said that she sees me running downtown regularly and asked if I was training for a triathlon. I disclosed to her that I don’t know how to swim (don’t judge me, I tried learning but have a hard time floating), and she told me that she used to be a lifeguard and enthusiastically said, “I can teach you how to swim!” I told her “maybe” and that “my friends from the gym could probably teach me just as well as her.”
I don’t like talking about myself with women as I understand their nature (I highly recommend you read the linked article, it’s not written by me, but it’s very insightful), and know that it is far better for information about yourself to be gradually revealed over time, so I went back to asking her questions and letting her do the majority of the talking. Lifting came up again, and she started talking about how she has trouble doing compound movements, (squats, deadlifts, and Romanian deadlifts in particular) due to chronic back pain, and asked if I could teach her how to safely squat. I told her “your best friend (who was mentioned earlier in the conversation and works out at our gym) looks like she is more than capable, you should ask her.”
Analysis: Demonstrations of Higher Value
All of the mistakes made during this date stem from me misunderstanding how to demonstrate higher value. Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHV) are behaviors and actions that convey pre-selection (being desired by other women), social proof (being well respected by others), wealth, status, and internal strength.
When my date told me that she noticed I had lots of friends, I thought informing her of them actually being acquaintances signified my superiority to other men who blindly call guys their friends because, as men, it’s very unlikely to have more than, at most, three genuine friendships (and that’s stretching it) at a given time.
The error I made here was attempting to DHV when she already deemed me as valuable. She said that I had lots of friends which, in her mind, suggests that I must possess some admired attribute in order for this to be the case. Instead of confirming her perception, I ruined the fantasy she crafted about me in her mind, and conveyed that I actually was not as prized as suspected. I discussed this extensively in a previous article, but a woman’s imagination is one of the greatest tools at your disposal for increasing her attraction towards you. If a woman perceives you to be valuable, never confirm otherwise.
The optimal response(s) in this situation would have been to simply accept the compliment by saying “Thank you.”, agreeing and amplifying the statement by retorting with something like “Of course, I have more friends than anyone in the state.”, with a smile and absurdly confident tone, or by responding with something cocky and funny, “Absolutely.”, with a smile and assured tone. The exact way in which you respond doesn’t matter, just never suggest that you are not as valuable as a woman perceives you to be.
When she asked me what I was training for, I thought telling her “people treat me differently once they find out and that you will most likely do the same” was a DHV because it conveyed importance. However, Demonstrations of higher value should almost always be indirect; that is, demonstrating value should never appear to be done intentionally. My response to her question came off as though I was trying far too hard to impress her.
A DHV in this scenario would have been me just responding by saying that I fight, as it is clearly a valuable skill that is desired by men. Additionally, answering the question in this way would have been seductive and mysterious due to the information being revealed to her without me explicitly stating it. When women find out important information about you on their own – even if it is by directly asking you questions – they realize that you don’t need their validation, and will begin to wonder what else they don’t know about you since you never directly (intentionally) discussed an aspect of your life that is so important.
Reward Good Behavior. Discourage Bad Behavior
My date enthusiastically telling me that she could teach me how to swim, and that she wanted me to instruct her on how to do certain exercises, was good behavior and a significant indicator of interest as she was alluding to a future together. Good behavior shouldn’t be rewarded every time it occurs, however, it also should not be punished (there are exceptions to this that I will discuss in future articles), because doing so confuses the woman and makes them feel as though you don’t like them, which is exactly how my girl felt after I rejected her advances.
Just think: you wake up early to make your girlfriend coffee before she leaves for work, only for her to say she hates coffee and pour it down the sink. If you’re a man with an ounce of self respect, you’d probably call her an asshole and never do anything nice for her again until after she apologized, as she punished you for doing something nice.
I was under the impression that denying her proposal would make her more attracted to me (and was a DHV) because it suggested that I wasn’t completely sold on her yet, and that I wasn’t needy like the majority of men she’s most likely dated. My idea was right, but the execution was terrible.
When a woman implies wanting to spend more time with you (during the initial dating stages) the optimal response is to suggest that you are open to the idea while indirectly conveying that you are not completely sold on her yet. Thus, instead of outright rejecting her advances, it would have been better if I said “That could be fun” or “maybe.” Just never outright punish a woman for liking you because, as you will read in upcoming articles, it will result in them associating bad feelings with you when they do something nice.
Always remember that demonstrations of higher value are demonstrations, not explanations. Any value you have developed as a man should (almost always) be indirectly communicated and never explicitly stated. If a woman is on a date with you, she already perceives you as valuable. There is absolutely no need to qualify yourself to them because they already believe that you are good enough. Let your value be gradually revealed over time, and never become so overly concerned with game techniques that you lose sight of how your behavior is making women feel, because doing so will oftentimes result in you losing out on amazing opportunities – like finally losing your virginity at 23 years old.
High status is also hard to fake, https://theredquest.substack.com/p/status-coolness-first-then-evangelize-for-whatever-the-thing-is