How To Cold Approach Women: What Happens When You Reveal Too Much Interest

I had her in the pam of my hands

In today’s article, I will be reflecting upon a cold approach I executed earlier this year in which a woman rejected me for showing too much interest, and discussing what should have been done to ensure you guys avoid making the same mistakes. 

Before we dive in, I want to clarify that while there are technically an infinite number of reasons as to why a woman may reject a guy or suddenly express disinterest in him, it’s crucial to only concern yourself with what you potentially did wrong, as that is the only component solely in your control. Sure, it’s possible that a woman may not have liked the shape of your eyebrows, the color of your skin, the shade of your teeth, or the sound of your voice, but that’s not important because they are factors outside of your control. An understanding of female nature must be developed so you can logically examine where (if any) mistakes were made on your behalf, and apply what you learned to future relationships. 

Due to over two hundred thousands years of evolutionary development, all women’s (and for the mob, yes, men’s as well) hardwiring is essentially the same. That is, there are behaviors, personality traits, and characteristics that women universally find attractive and unattractive in men. Thus, it’s not particularly difficult to pinpoint how they will most likely react when a guy says or does certain things. 

I’ve been with a wide array of women throughout the last year: college chicks, girls in their late twenties, black women, blondes, Asians, Venezuelans, communists, conservatives, liberals, slightly heavier (not fat) chicks, girls who formerly had armpit hair (I didn’t know at the time), bisexuals, and they are all literally the same. They may verbally express desiring different types of behavior from men, but none of them can help but be attracted to and aroused by conventional masculinity.

Field Report

Last month (March 2024) I decided to approach an attractive woman who frequents my primary gym regularly at the conclusion of my workout. She was performing dumbbell Romanian deadlifts with her back against the wall in the free weight section, and there were two other guys around her age in the vicinity. I prefer to hit on women in the gym when others are not around for reasons discussed here, but time constraints prevented me from approaching at a more opportune time. 

After she completed her set, I waited a few seconds to approach her so she could regain composure and not be completely taken aback by what I was about to do. I walked up to her and opened directly (revealed romantic interest during opening statements) with a confident and powerful stance. 

Jacked Guy: Hey.

Girl: Hey. 

Jacked Guy: So, I was reading this book. And it said that guys who wear gray tank tops in the gym, and girls who wear black tank tops in the gym are apparently super compatible. Now, I don’t necessarily believe everything I read, but I am interested in finding out if there is any merit to this. 

Girl: laughing and smiling. I’m Mallory (she extended her hand for a handshake). 

Jacked Guy: (shakes hand) Mallory? I’m Jacked Guy.  Are you excited for spring break?

Mallory: Yeah! I am! I can’t wait!

Jacked Guy: Where are you going? 

Mallory: PCB! (Panama City Beach in Florida) 

Jacked Guy: Sweet. Who are you going with?

Mallory: I’m going with a couple of my girlfriends! 

Jacked Guy: Cool. I miss those days of having a spring break. They were so much fun (breadcrumb) 

Mallory: Wait, how old are you? 

Jacked Guy: Take a guess. 

Mallory: 24? 

Jacked Guy: Nope.

Mallory: 25? 

Jacked Guy: No, not 25. You’re getting closer, though. 

Mallory: 27!? 

Jacked Guy: Hey, good job. (Raises hand for a high five). I’m 27, but I look a lot younger because I was blessed with phenomenal genetics. 

Mallory: (slight laugh)

Jacked Guy: So, when you and I get married and have kids , they are going to look amazing when they get older (Future Forecasting). 

Mallory: (gives an awkward and uncomfortable laugh, smiles, looks away, and shakes her head) 

Jacked Guy: (stands in two seconds of silence) Well, it was nice meeting you. (picks up bag to signify departure) 

Mallory: Yeah, you too!

The body Can’t Lie

After I said, “So, I was reading this book. And it said that guys who wear gray tank tops in the gym,” Mallory reflexively smiled because she deemed me as very physically attractive and subconsciously understood that I was hitting on her. Women innately understand that if a man approaches them it is most likely because they are interested in them romantically. Thus, if a woman nonverbally conveys interest (via facial gestures and body language) prior to your intent being revealed, it suggests that she possesses some level of attraction towards you.  

Conversely, if a woman is not interested (or has low interest) in you, she will usually exhibit neutral facial expressions and body language that signals a desire to escape your vicinity. Now, this doesn’t mean it’s impossible to attract a woman with low interest, but it does indicate that you will have to build her attraction more than ordinarily necessary during the set to successfully close. These aren’t concrete incontrovertible truths, as there are always exceptions to the rule, but they are observations I have made after hitting on hundreds of women over the past year. 

When approaching women directly, you can normally immediately tell how a set is going to go just based on a woman’s nonverbal communication alone (assuming you possess adequate social intelligence and understanding of sub communications). Any response to your opener other than complete and utter agreeability suggests that you will need to further increase the woman’s attraction in order to pull her. 

This will be the case the overwhelming majority of the time, as women are visceral and an emotional impact must be left in order for them to desire seeing you again (there are exceptions to this), but I naively misinterpreted her consecutive indicators of interest (smiling, initiating a handshake, and offering her name) as being mildly attracted. 

I was foolishly under the impression that anything other than her becoming extremely giddy and saying, “Yes, I think that book is right!” meant that more attraction needed to be built, but that’s just not how most women with high interest will respond. If a woman does not contest your opener whatsoever, that means her interest is high and all you have to do is not say anything stupid to close. 

After Mallory provided me with indicators of interest, I should have immediately asked her what her age was and then made her guess mine instead of asking a logical question. When cold approaching women, it’s best to avoid logical conversation because it increases the risk of the discussion becoming a boring exchange of facts. If you hit on a woman and the conversation emphasizes facts more than emotions, she will begin to associate you with feelings of boredom. This will make her less likely to go out on a date because she believes that it will be similar to the lame discussion she had with you. 

Evacuate Immediately

Directly approaching women is similar to scoring dates on dating apps in that your intentions are already revealed, and any excess dialogue just makes the woman less likely to go out with you because there are more opportunities for her attraction to be lowered. All a woman has to determine your value is your physical appearance, any social proof or preselection she may have witnessed prior to the set occurring, and how you convey and carry yourself during the conversation. Most men, myself included at one point, spend far too much time speaking to women in interactions for the purpose of building comfort and rapport when doing so is unnecessary. If a woman finds you physically attractive to some degree and is left with an emotional impact, she will desire to see you again. 

So, when approaching women directly, you can close (acquire numbers) very quickly. If the woman you are hitting on is receptive to your opener, all you have to do is stimulate her emotions by making her reach an emotional high, and handing her your phone immediately afterwards so she can enter her phone number. 

Since Mallory responded so favorably to my opener, all I had to do was hand her my phone after I high fived her as she had reached an emotional high point. Again, women are visceral, their decisions are greatly dictated by their feelings in the moment, not logic. I know it’s probably difficult for your more logically inclined male brain to comprehend how a woman could agree to go out with a guy after talking for fewer than 30 seconds, but always keep in mind that women don’t make decisions pertaining to men they date according to reason. 

When first meeting a woman,  I’ve found that making them laugh is the most effective way to stimulate their emotions. Being conventionally attractive and funny – specifically being bold and indirectly communicating that you are outcome independent– are an overpowered combo. Therefore, all you have to do in order to successfully get a woman out on a date after being direct (assuming she welcomes it without any contest) is make her sincerely laugh and hand her your phone immediately after she does so. 

When She’s Not Sold Yet

Assuming you are conventionally attractive, which you should be if you have worked to optimize your looks, most women will be receptive to your opener, but not completely sold just yet. That is, you will need to increase their attraction further for them to go out on a date. 

When women are pursuing men romantically, they always want to feel as though they have to work for the man’s approval and attention. They want to know that you have no problem attracting women of their quality or better, and that she was able to secure you because of some intrinsic quality of hers.   Being direct with them prevents this from happening because you are essentially communicating that you are sold on their beauty alone and that they can have you if they wish.

The Neg

So, when you are inevitably met with reluctance after opening directly, I recommend getting the woman to qualify herself to you via a neg. A neg is a statement used to disqualify a woman for a potential relationship in order for her to qualify herself to you and convey otherwise. The idea is that it communicates having standards and that you won’t just date anything at your disposal. Additionally, women hate the idea of being rejected, so implementing a neg will result in them qualifying themselves to prevent this from occurring. 

Compliance Test

After they qualify themselves, you want to administer a compliance test. Compliance tests are tasks assigned to a woman to see if she will do what you ask of her. They are a method of gauging a woman’s attraction towards you, and can be something like a high five, pink promise, verbal promise, getting them to repeat things you say, or picking something up.

Once a woman qualifies herself and complies with your test, you can stimulate her emotions one more time (I suggest doing so by making her laugh), or you can hand your phone to her at that moment if the compliance test ended on an emotional high note. Remember, women are visceral, the decisions they make are highly dictated by their feelings at that specific moment in time. 

After I told Mallory,  “So, when you and I get married and have kids , they are going to look amazing when they get older,” I should have negged her as a consequence of her response indicating lowered attraction. An optimal neg in this situation would have been to ask if she was going to party or drink during her vacation, tell her that I assumed she wasn’t like the other girls (assuming she said yes), and then having her comply by making her promise that she is telling the truth when she begins to say otherwise. 

While I was previously an advocate for direct game, I’d be lying if I said being direct with women was the most effective seduction method. Indirect is far superior to direct game because being direct reveals your interest level and intentions, which is remarkably anti-seductive. I can pull direct game off because I spent years developing my physical appearance and confidence. As such, women are more willing to go out with me strictly because of my looks and congruence in behavior. 

If you want to become a master seducer, both direct and indirect game should be learned. However, always keep in mind that approaching women directly automatically puts you in a disadvantageous position as women’s nature prevents them from desiring a man who they believe they can have. 

Keep in mind that this approach took place only last month. I consider myself substantially better with women than the average guy, so it just goes to show that there’s always something to learn and improve upon. 

The following week's articles will be an analysis of two subscribers' field reports. Afterwards, I intend on writing a definitive, multi article guide detailing how a man can go from having zero experience with women to landing dates and hooking up. The series will be titled something along the lines of: How to Get Women If You Are Completely Inexperienced. Basically, the series will be detailing how I went from having no experience with women until my early twenties to being able to confidently believe that I can pull any woman I approach. Because it is going to be so detailed and thorough, it will be available exclusively to paid subscribers. However, I will limit a portion of it to everyone for free so they can decide if they would like to continue learning. Anyways, that’s all for this week. If you enjoyed this article or learned something, please like, subscribe, and comment. Peace.