How to Approach Women: Indirect Game

Make it Make Sense

In my previous article, I provided a comprehensive guide on how to approach women directly. If you haven’t read it yet, I suggest you do to complete your understanding of this topic. You can check it out here. 

While I vehemently believe that men in the novice stage of their cold approach journey should always approach women directly, I understand that it’s not for everyone, and that there are times when it definitely is better to be indirect with your intentions. Thus, in today’s article, I will be discussing how to approach women indirectly, and supplying you with knowledge of what to expect when doing so.

Before I dive into the details, I want to emphasize that you are going to fail and regularly face rejection from women. You’re going to make cringe remarks, be awkward in conversation, and behave in naïve ways. This is completely normal and still happens to me occasionally. So, if you’re completely new to cold approach, or if you have not been obtaining the results you desire, don’t, under any circumstances, become despondent. There is hope, and as long as you continue learning and exerting yourself, you will develop the skills necessary to genuinely believe that you are capable of pulling any woman you approach. 

Indirect game

An indirect opener is when you reveal that you are romantically interested in a woman at any point in a conversation other than the opening statements. When employing this method, the idea is to build a woman’s attraction towards you during the talk so she will be more receptive when you reveal that you are attracted to her. 

Furthermore, when done correctly, women will feel as though they earned the right for you to be interested in them because of something they revealed to you. They sense that you like them not only because of their appearance, but because of who they are as an individual.

Indirect game can be used by anyone, but pickup artists learned that, primarily due to being of average physical appearance (and other factors out of the scope of this article), it was best for them to approach women indirectly to prevent immediately being disqualified as potential suitors. As I’ve discussed in many articles, optimizing your appearance is important and should absolutely be done; however, all it does (unless you are a woman’s physical type) is buy you more time to build attraction during the conversation. 

When approaching women indirectly, you must possess great social and conversational skills, as game is just a set of social skills as it pertains to intersexual dynamics. Work to improve these skills every chance you have by practicing with everyone you interact with. It is not my intent to discuss the criteria for ensuring that you possess satisfactory social skills, but I do recommend asking a close friend or mentor for advice on what you can improve. Just keep in mind that most people don’t like hurting feelings, so they may not be completely truthful. 

You Have to do All of the Work

The responsibility of moving the conversation forward lies on you entirely. You can open however you want (as long as you don’t indicate romantic interest), but if you ask women logical questions, or ones that can be responded to with a “yes” or “no”, expect that to be all they give you. When this happens, which it absolutely will, you have to increase her attraction towards you via your composure and game (The exception to this is if you are a woman’s type, or if she thinks you are particularly physically attractive. In which case, she will most likely prolong the conversation and babble on about literally anything).

Increasing a woman’s attraction via game (social skills), is where most men struggle. As mentioned in this article, it is of the utmost importance that emphasis is placed on stimulating a woman’s emotions (“the vibe”) as opposed to the exchanging of facts (logic) during the conversation.  

During this phase of approaching a woman indirectly, the topics you would discuss are almost identical to those you would talk about if you were approaching a woman directly. Of course, the difference is that the woman knows why you are talking to her when going direct. 

Composure is how you express yourself indirectly through nonverbal and verbal communication. Try not to stutter or be timid, be aware of your posture at all times (stand upright), don’t speak too fast or smile too much, and always ensure that your body language exudes confidence. When starting out, your non verbal communication most likely won’t emanate confidence, but as you become more comfortable with approaching women, these attractive behaviors will naturally emit from you due to truly becoming more confident. 

Demonstrate Higher Value

In the early 2000s, pickup artists reasoned that in order to seduce attractive women, they indirectly had to demonstrate that they were men of value, and they accomplished this through Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHV). 

Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHV) are behaviors and actions that convey pre-selection (being desired by other women), social proof (being well respected by others), wealth, and status. Pickup artists would compose fictitious stories that conveyed all of these desirable traits in order to more easily pull women, and it worked!

The problem was that these pickup artists became so concerned with sleeping with women that they never actually developed themselves into the men they portrayed themselves to be in their canned stories. And overtime, the mask they were wearing slipped off, and their true selves were revealed. There was an incongruence in who the women thought she met, and who the guy actually is. I won’t go into detail about why this is the case, but just trust me when I say the relationship is effectively over if a woman ever suspects that there is misalignment between who you depict yourself to be and who you actually are. 

This is why I constantly stress the importance of working incredibly hard to actually become a man of value, because once you do, you will naturally internalize certain behaviors that make you more attractive to women. I can teach you all of the game techniques in existence, and provide you with plenty of canned material so you can score dates and get laid, but if you don’t embody certain traits and characteristics through self development, the women you’re with will eventually find out that you are not who you claimed to be.

With that out of the way, let’s get back to Demonstrating Higher Value. When consciously implementing DHV, it is important that you demonstrate your value, as opposed to explicitly stating it. Just think, rich people don’t have to say they’re rich, and jacked guys don’t need to tell others that they spend lots of time in the gym. It’s just understood. 

When you explicitly reveal certain things about yourself unprompted to women, it can come across as though you are attempting to qualify yourself to them, which they find incredibly unattractive. It also confuses them, because they understand that truly valuable men do not qualify themselves to others, causing them to immediately think that the man is defective in some capacity. 

So, when talking, it’s important that there is a hint of vagueness and ambiguity to your statements. You don’t say that you’re a surgeon, but you allude to being one when conversing. You don’t say that you have money, but you imply it by wearing nice clothes, being well groomed, or by telling a woman you’re a doctor if she asks what you do for work. 

You don’t need to state facts about yourself for women to like you. Possessing wealth and status will increase the amount of women you have access to, but if you attempt to lead with these aspects of your life, you will procure abysmal results. Remember, women are initially concerned with how you make them feel, everything else is subsidiary. 

Establish Romantic Interest

When I first began practicing indirect game, I had a very difficult time escalating the conversations I was having with women.