Be More Vulnerable

... If you want your girl to leave you

While the overwhelming majority of dating advice from women is terrible, telling men to "Be more vulnerable" is definitely at the forefront.

And any man who's been vulnerable with a woman knows this. They’re aware that in spite of all of the yammering women do, know matter how much they claim they want the guy they’re dating to be more vulnerable, they actually don’t. In fact, anyone who didn’t learn from their mistake the first time knows that it’s a kiss of death.

A girl I dated a few years ago told me she wanted me to be more vulnerable with her after we had been together for a few months. Her request was in line with what the most popular female social media dating influencers advised men to do, so I agreed.

I told her that I hated my job and considered quitting daily, discussed my frustration with myself for choosing the wrong career, and revealed other fears and insecurities.

She hugged me, thanked me for “being human for once,” and we went to bed.

As I was staring at the ceiling, I couldn’t help but think that I made a massive mistake: Why did I just tell a neurotic 22-year-old girl with daddy issues about all of my problems?

I reassured myself that everything was going to be okay because she was different. I mean, she was a progressive liberal after all; girls like that are totally different from the others.

Wrong.

At first, everything resumed like normal, but about a week later she started behaving differently. She stopped texting as much, stopped initiating physical contact, lost interest in sex, became disagreeable for no reason, started arguments over trivial matters, and worst of all, cited an insecurity I disclosed to her as a reason for me not being capable of making a decision for us.

I ended up flaking on a date with her, that made her suspiciously upset and we never talked again.

I blew this off as a one-off type of ordeal, concluded that not all women would respond like her, and continued being vulnerable with others when they inevitably asked. Unfortunately, I continued to meet the same outcome, and learned the hard way to never be vulnerable with women.

Why Women Hate Vulnerable Men

From the beginning of time to about 75 years ago, women depended on men to survive as they were incapable of providing for and protecting themselves. As such, they evolved to put safety at the forefront of their concerns when choosing a partner, and instinctively abhor vulnerable men because they make them feel unsafe. Well, that’s my theory, anyway.

It’s my conjecture that women claim to want men to be vulnerable for two reasons: Firstly, to separate the real men from the boys, and secondly, because women tend to regurgitate whatever narrative is popular amongst women at that time, regardless of whether or not they genuinely agree.

Assuming a woman isn’t morbidly obese or egregious looking, she’s likely been inundated with attention from the opposite sex since she was 12. Consequently, they’re extremely adept at categorizing the type of man they’re with.

For instance, if a guy suggests a first date that involves going to dinner, watching a movie in theaters, or anything that requires effort or occurs during the day, she knows that he’s likely looking for a relationship and that he doesn’t have much casual sex.

Conversely, if a guy proposes meeting up for drinks at night or hanging out at his place for the first date, she knows that he has interest in hooking up and probably has no intentions of pursuing a serious relationship.

Following this logic, women know that if they can convince men who have never exhibited any signs of emotional weakness to be more vulnerable with them, that they aren’t actually the stoic individuals they portrayed themselves to be. In essence, it’s a test to see if the guy’s the real deal, or just faking it.

Secondly, women are overly concerned with their social status. If their friends, or the female influencers they watch, say they want men to be vulnerable, they’re likely to repeat the sentiment, even if it’s not indicative of how they truly feel.

Women Can’t Feel Safe Around Vulnerable Men

Your girl’s not different, connor.

Regardless, a woman can’t feel like the man she’s seeing is capable of protecting her if he shares that he hates his job and regularly thinks about quitting.

And how could she?

He’s overtly communicating that he doesn't possess the mental fortitude to work a job he dislikes in order to provide for and protect his family. Not only that, he hasn’t removed himself from the unfavorable conditions or generated a plan to escape them. As far as she’s concerned, her future lies on a shaky foundation; one bad day and everything’s ruined.

Besides, why would you ever want to be vulnerable with a woman, anyways? There’s no benefit. Men and women have entirely different life experiences and struggles; a woman couldn’t possibly give you advice on problems she either has never been exposed to, or would solve in a manner that is diametrically opposed to how a man should.

Of course, you’re still a human being – there’s going to be things you need to get off of your chest.

In these moments, I encourage you to seek counsel from your closest male family members and friends. The ones you know you can trust without a shadow of a doubt. You’ll rid yourself of whatever's been bothering you and hopefully receive wise, actionable advice.